Come discuss things with me on my run down bench

So I sell my tickets to the Red Sox game tonight because I have too much wedding stuff to get done before the big day on Saturday.  I've had nothing but bad luck in terms of attending good Sox games that they win in, and the weather looked less than stellar anyways.  Well guess what?  The weather cleared up, an amazing pitchers duel, and the Sox walk off in the ninth.  What the hell...

On another note, I was one foot out the door to work this morning when my 16 month old son starts calling :"dad, dad, dad."  I look back and I say "yeah what's up?"  The kid hands me my cell phone.  I swear to god I was speechless.  Not only would that have been the ultimate pain in the ass to have to go back and get my phone, putting off my work schedule all day, but the kid shows some big-time awareness.  16 months old people.  Safe to say he is more than a little bit smarter than his father.  If only the kid knew how to sleep now...

I like sports as much as the next guy, but one thing that is really starting to get on my nerves is the endless analysis by these overly serious schmucks on TV and radio.  I can't watch ESPN anymore when they are breaking down some sports highlights and discussing these things like they are life and death issues.  You know what I want to see?  The damn scores, some highlights and news.  I don't want sports to be serious.  That is the beauty of the games, to not take things so seriously and to relax and enjoy things for what they are. 

I also don't like hearing about the minutiae of these athletes’ lives.  I don't want to know where they live or what they do in the off-season.  I don't want to know their beliefs on certain topics, I want to see them perform at the highest level, and not attempt to be a politician, musician or philosopher.  That is an entirely different topic unto itself, celebrities using their status as a platform for whichever cause they see fit.  These people are more often than not performing their acts of charity as public relations work, or have such a weak knowledge of the issues that they soapbox about that it is laughable.  Case in point Sheryl Crow trying to show people how to live "greener."  She went around a few summers ago telling everyone how much better off the world would be if we only used one square of toilet paper each time we went to the bathroom.  She would then proceed to load up the caravan of buses and head to the next stop on their massive tour.  The world could definitely be more green, I agree with you 100% Sheryl.  If only you and your celebrity brethren would just shut your mouth. 

I was driving home with Lindsay last night, finishing our tie hunting expedition, and she says to me as we're driving along, she says to me she goes she says she goes she goes she says "there's something in the road!"  I hear her say that just in time to notice a dog run into the highway and get obliterated bu the car in front of me.  Horrifying.  

I got nothing, because I sat down and watched TV and now my brain is officially off duty.  This happens whenever I watch or listen to sports, or talk radio, I just kind of zone out.  This is probably a sign that I should do less of these activities.  Put that on the "to do" list.  I should go lay down, sleep would definitely be welcome at this time.  I think I'm ready for the warm to just be here.  It is nice to get moving around in the sun and get the sweat going.  So yeah, I'm looking forward to that.  This may or may not also be because I don't have a jacket that I really like at this point in time, which makes windy, coldish days a tad unbearable.  I was just listening to Phil Collins advice though; No Jacket Required. 

When I get a chance, or have the supplies, I will make my own coffee at home and take it on the road with me on the way to work.  It's cheaper, quicker, and there is less of a chance that it won’t be made to my liking.  However, I ran out of coffee a few days ago and haven’t gone to the store to get more, so its Tim Horton’s on the way to work.  I pull up to go through the drive-through, in Johnston near the highway onramp, but there is a guy blocking the line, talking on his phone.  He clearly just picked this spot to BS to whomever, with no desire to get in line. 

 

So I give the guy a little toot.  Using the horn in the car is all about the pressure and frequency, otherwise you can really piss someone off.  I give him the light toot, and he proceeds to move out of the way in quick fashion.  Total time elapsed, 15 seconds.  Not bad, so I give him the thank you wave as I drive by.  This is when I notice him yelling “Fuckin…” at me.  Another stupid Johnston Italian Mafioso wannabe.  I hate these idiots.  They puff out their chests and talk like retard meatheads.  You know that guy. 

 

Anyways, as he see’s my hand raised, he backs off 100% immediately and starts on the “oh, yeah, no problem.”  Too late, you’ve exposed yourself as a prick, moron, and degenerate in the span of 45 seconds, not to mention ignorant for blocking the lane in the first place.  First impressions count my friend; you get no second chances, way to be an asshole. 

OK, I’m sick and tired to be sick and tired.  What is with this mindsay wiki page?  What is a wiki page?  I figured it would just be some kind of weird link to your own page on wikipedia.com.  Guess what?  It isn’t.  I looks like some stupid extended profile bull that mindsay uses to sell ads.  Well I won’t put anything worth advertising on my wiki page out of spite.  Spite!  This is very similar to how I don’t put anything in my blog worth reading, except I cannot do anything to help myself in that department. But seriously, I don’t know what this wiki business is all about and I really don’t like it.  This is because a) I’m not down with learning anything new as it pertains to my ramblings here and b) because I am getting spam on this thing.  Spam messages from fake accounts saying they saw your profile and want to be friends.  What the hell?  I don’t want this crap on mindsay.  I already have a myspace account that I have never used and never will but get fake friend requests all the time.  I hate that kind of thing.  Notice to anyone who likes to fancy themselves a hacker:  don’t ever come up to me and say something to the effect like “I create spyware” or “I made that I love you virus a few years back.”  You would be in a pool of bodily fluids faster than your little Trojan virus can macro the words that you have no penis.  People who spend their time facelessly creating crap that has no use are basically doing so as an extension of their entire lives.  They are completely useless, and we would all be better off if you did not exist just to be a nuisance.  Imagine if your sole quality in life is being a nuisance.  Well that is the existence of the mosquito and the hacker.  Way to go people.

Also of note if you are a hacker, or whatever they call you useless pieces of trash: If your creation is referred to as "spam", you know you are a complete waste of a life. 

Have you ever sat at the table eating, and by accident grabbed a condiment such as ketchup, or hot sauce, or even the salt, thinking it was your beverage?   You realize at the last second, wait a minute, that would have sucked, and then you get your cup.  Well if it hasn’t happened to you, I want you to picture what that would be like. 

 

This morning, I get my toothbrush and apply the toothpaste, going through the morning routine in a sleepy stupor.  Next thing I know, I give it a good swipe in the armpit.  Yep, did the deodorant routine with the toothbrush.  Felt so weird and so gross at the same time.  Not the coolest way to start the day, if I do say so myself. 

 

I do however feel a bit of luck, because I think it would have been a lot worse if I had completed that activity in reverse, giving myself the worst case of dry mouth in the world.  Nice Ocean Breeze breath for 24 hours though…

Well the bug that bothered me over the last few days is finally subsiding, which is outstanding If I do say so myself.  I took Nyquil the other night, and that stuff knocked me out so hard that when I woke up the next morning I had a hard time lifting my head.  It was a Sunday morning and the baby was kneeling next to me on the bed, two hands on my left shoulder repeating “dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.”  I looked at the clock it was 9 am, and I was in the same position I was in when I fell asleep the night before.  That never happens because I toss and turn all night every night because I most likely have a sleep disorder.  Well it was very interesting to say the least.

 

I am finally going to a primary care doctor tomorrow for my first physical since I was a senior in high school.  I assume he will tell me that I am unphysical, at which point I will slap him in the mouth.  The only reason I am even going to see him is to get a referral to the sleep clinic in Smithfield, as you can only go on doctors referrals if you want it to be covered by your medical insurance.  All in all, my first trip to a doctor’s office in 8 years should be interesting enough.

 

First post in four days is a bit weak.  Need to shake the rust off…

I am feeling sick?

To no one's surprise, I was wrong on two counts in that last blog.  One was the fact that my alarm clock was broken.  It is not, and will continue to serve me well into it's 10 anniversary of us being together.  Second, is that I am able to master the machine in a sleepy stupor.  Wrong, if I were legitimately able to do so, I would have noticed the alarm set to PM as opposed to AM and thus not going off.  Well, whatever.

I really haven't had much to talk about other than alarm clocks today?  What's that you say?  I never talk about anything of value anyways?  Touche. 

By the way, one of the things that I absolutely love is a poor text to speech program, where you can just type in whatever you like and the program spits it out for you in a garbled, mechanical voice that mispronounced every syllable.  I used to have a thing on my computer named Bonzi Buddy.  He was a purple monkey that was able to do this.  It was hilarious, to me anyways.  You used to have to spell words uber-phonetically just to get them said correctly.  Otherwise how would we know how much pee niss Joe likes?